1. I was forced to Bathe as a child 2. People who Bathe are hypocrites ; they think they are cleaner than everyone else. 3. There are so many kinds of soap. It is too confusing to have to choose. 4. I used to Bathe but it got so boring that I stopped 5. I still Bathe on special occasions , like Christmas and Easter 6. None of my friends Bathe. 7. I think I'll wait till I'm older to Bathe. 8. I really don't have t ime . 9. The bathroom is too col...
I got this today via email and laughed my butt off. I loved it remembering back when my kids were little and my husband would ask the same question thinking I was just playing with the kids all day. This is for all you moms out there......have a good one!!! A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was t...
It is important for those of all faiths to recognize these Four Religious Truths: 1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people 2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian World. 4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters.
An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing " on the blackboard and asked the students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: Woman, without her man, is nothing. The women wrote: Woman! Without her, man is nothing. Same words, much different meanings. Which is correct? hahahah....... depends on how you look at it.
God is sitting in Heaven when a scientist says to Him, "Lord, we don't need you anymore. Science has finally figured out a way to create life out of nothing. In other words, we can now do what you did in the 'beginning'." "Oh, is that so? Tell me..." replies God. "Well, " says the scientist, "we can take dirt and form it into the likeness of You and breathe life into it, thus creating man." "Well, that's interesting Show Me. " So the scientist bends down to the earth an...
My very good friend sent me this.....too funny and since we just had a new grandson who just had this done, pretty timely. Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on beds next to each other, Outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, What Are you here for?" The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a Little nervous." The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that one When I was four. They put you to...
I received this this morning via email and thought it was hysterical. Well the guys might not think so. We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one: Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying. On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head ...
I did not write this, but got it from a friend. Thought it was as short as you can get and as hilarious as it is short. A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband, "I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment". The husband replies, "Your eyesight's perfect". He never heard the shot......
The following piece was written by my college son and published in the newspaper. I thought it was thought provoking. The newspaper has received quite a few comments on this. Santa vs. Satan It is a complicated, biased, horrible train of thought. On the one hand stands Santa Claus himself. We normally drive the thought into our child’s mind that Santa Claus, Ole’ Saint Nick, is the saint of the modern times. Santa Claus brings presents, which in turn bring joy to us all. Perche...
I thought this was a riot. In my inbox tonight and thought I'd share. There's a lot of truth here. Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesi...
A nice JU friend sent me this today. What a riot. An cinnamon orange biscuit sounds good right about now. In memory of. . . Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay...
Joke of the Day: What did one wall say to another? "Stop leaning on me, I'm just as plastered as you are." LOL. Thought of the Day: The only difference between a rut and a grave.......is how deep the hole.
Hmmm I wonder if Ethan will write something like this someday when asked what he did on his vacation? Sent to me by a friend who said this little story had us written all over it. AFTER CHRISTMAS, A TEACHER ASKED HER YOUNG PUPILS HOW THEY SPENT THEIR HOLIDAY AWAY FROM SCHOOL. ONE CHILD WROTE THE FOLLOWING: WE ALWAYS USED TO SPEND THE HOLIDAYS WITH GRANDMA AND GRANDPA. THEY USED TO LIVE IN A BIG BRICK HOUSE BUT GRANDPA GOT RETARDED AND THEY MOVED TO FLORIDA . NOW THEY ...
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "And what does that tell you?" Holmes asked. Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. ...
I have a friend in Michagan who sent this. I thought it was cute and since I've never seen it before thought I'd share it. It's a story about Forrest Gump going to heaven. Here it is. FORREST GUMP GOES TO HEAVEN The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper. St. Peter said, "Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you. We have heard a l...