Now this is one big nightmare! Hope you have a sense of humor. Sent to me by a friend. The Nightmare In the nightmare I found myself nude in bed, and I was looking at a mirror on the ceiling, and I discovered that I am a Negro, and I'm circumcised! Quickly I sat up, found my pants and looked in the pockets to find my driver's license photo and it was that same color. Black. I felt myself being very de...
A friend sent me this story and I thought it was a hoot!!!! GardenGrass Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes , not rattlesnakes. Here's why......... A couple in Baltimore, Maryland had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing some of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze. It turned out that a little green garden ...
Sent to me by a friend with a question. Who thinks this stuff up? Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream has introduced a new flavor In honor of the 44th President of the United States , " Barocky Road ". Barocky Road is a blend of half Vanilla, half Chocolate, and surrounded by Nuts and Flakes. The Vanilla portion of the mix is not openly advertised and usually denied as an ingredient. ...
This was sent to me by a friend. What A System In The US--Forgive And Forget -- Let Bygones Be Bygones... The rest of the world cannot understand how after bitter election campaigns, American politicians can return to reality. For instance, Sarah Palin has invited to her great state of Alaska the men who defeated her, Barack Obama and Joe Biden . She has provided a moose hunting trip for their enjoyment and has hired two other prominent men to assist them....
You have to understand Alaskans have their own set of values....got this from a friend in VA.... The Pope In Alaska The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope Mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a 'Save the Whales' hat and a 'To Hell with Bush T-shirt, was ...
When my kids were little I loved to read them fairy tales and nursery rhymes. Who doesn't remember the little Red Hen? Well here's a new modern take on this old story. Got it from a friend. Once upon a time, on a farm in Virginia , there was a little red hen who scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered quite a few grains of wheat. She called all of her Democrat neighbors together and said, 'If we plant this wheat, ...
The worldseems crazy right now between the crazy protestors smashing car windows and creating much havoc outside the RNC, the case of the missing three year old in our neck of the woods and the weather going bonkers all around us. Sometimes you just need a good joke to get your mind off things. My husband sent this one. The gals will like it. Three men were hiking thru a forest when they came upon a large, raging violent river. Needing t...
The Republican Fisherman A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, 'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.' The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, 'You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. ...
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain ...
I loved this! I got this joke from a friend today. Hillary and Obama were in a boat going down the river. The River was extremely rough. The boat capsized. Who was saved? AMERICA!
Got this from a friend and laughed. I guess you give then an inch (even if it's hair) and they will take whatever they can get. One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a 'thank you' card and a ...
I have a friend in Michagan who sent this. I thought it was cute and since I've never seen it before thought I'd share it. It's a story about Forrest Gump going to heaven. Here it is. FORREST GUMP GOES TO HEAVEN The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper. St. Peter said, "Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you. We have heard a l...
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "And what does that tell you?" Holmes asked. Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. ...
Hmmm I wonder if Ethan will write something like this someday when asked what he did on his vacation? Sent to me by a friend who said this little story had us written all over it. AFTER CHRISTMAS, A TEACHER ASKED HER YOUNG PUPILS HOW THEY SPENT THEIR HOLIDAY AWAY FROM SCHOOL. ONE CHILD WROTE THE FOLLOWING: WE ALWAYS USED TO SPEND THE HOLIDAYS WITH GRANDMA AND GRANDPA. THEY USED TO LIVE IN A BIG BRICK HOUSE BUT GRANDPA GOT RETARDED AND THEY MOVED TO FLORIDA . NOW THEY ...
Joke of the Day: What did one wall say to another? "Stop leaning on me, I'm just as plastered as you are." LOL. Thought of the Day: The only difference between a rut and a grave.......is how deep the hole.