To Sleep or Not To Sleep?
Published on September 10, 2007 By KFC Kickin For Christ In Home & Family
So here I am trying to do some catch up work on the computer. I have my household budget on Quick Books and am doing much needed data input. In the background is a screaming 10 month old baby. His mommy, my d-i-l, is not feeling well and my heart goes out to her. I remember those days. She came down with a cold yesterday. I remember taking care of my babies and being so exhausted I couldn't think straight especially when I was ill. So after spending the day chasing the little boy around the house she decided to go to bed early with him. I think maybe that wasn't such a good idea now because it's 10:30 and he's in an on and off crying mode..

She's a great mommy. She's doing a great job with Ethan. She's very attentive and reminds me of me. We both had our first at the same age. We both were very inexperienced with babies. Actually she's a few months younger than I was when I had my first. I was determined to be the best mom the second they put that beautiful newborn into my arms. My son, in contrast to Ethan tho, was a very quiet and submissive baby. He was sleeping well by the end of his first month. I never ever woke up with him in the middle of the night after that.

Ethan's a healthy happy baby until he isn't the center of attention, that is. He's absolutely perfect looking. He's charmed everyone he's come into contact with. One thing I think she's just starting to understand about this beautiful little boy is that he's very strong willed. He's got her wrapped, totally, and I can see she's exhausted. He's a master manipulator and is going to be just like his daddy. I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree afterall.

My son and she are are alone in another state with no family, so they have been at this new parenting thing virtually all by themselves. With Brian working so often, much of this child rearing is on her shoulders.

Her first week here she spent alot of time trying to cajole him to sleep sometimes taking two hours or so to do so. One night he just flat out refused to be cajoled still wide awake at 11 pm. He's in the habit of going down to bed asleep in his mommy's arms since birth. He's very big now and this is getting harder and harder to do. Big mistake we told her. It's time he goes down awake. He may cry (and he did) some but it's time for him to go to bed and for mommy to have some down time. She needs a break. She's exhausted.

The first night he cried for about an hour or so and she was a wreck. Her goal I think has been to avoid any confrontation with crying as much as possible. He lived. He actually woke up the next day seemingly in a good mood. None the worse for wear. The next night he cried again and by the third night or so only cried for 10 minutes. Of course her reaction was total and absolute freedom. It was starting to look up.....until tonight.

The bad thing is I have to work all day tomorrow so she's on her own. I hope she eventually gets some sleep tonight. All is quiet now and it's 11 pm. So maybe. But he's yet to sleep thru the night so he'll probably re-awake about 2 or 3 or so. But just maybe this crying jag tonight will have worn him out enough to make it thru. We'll see.

Maybe she'll let me have him one night, so she can get a whole night of uninterrupted sleep. Just Ethan and Nanny. I can always call in the reinforcement. His name is Papa and Ethan is just crazy about him.







Comments (Page 5)
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on Sep 13, 2007
Ok, first of all I didn't "bring you up" somewhere. I complained to Gid about how he was treating Loca and he basically told me he had seen me do you the same way.

I don't go around talking about you.

I think Dobson puts out junk. That has nothing to do with whether you like him or not. I think he puts a lot of bad ideas out there and I'm not going to pretend otherwise just because you like him.

I figured you would be familiar with the Boundaries series. I have attended a class on that as well.

You would be shocked at how much sense Dr. Sears would make to you and how in line his suggestions and philosophies are with your faith and belief system. If you really want to help your DIL, consider brushing up. I promise you, you will like Dr. Sears and you will learn a lot. It will also help you in your work at the school and in the nursery and anywhere else you may come into contact with children.

Did you read what I wrote above?

I said:

I didn't say you browbeat ME with the Bible. You are correct that you haven't done that in some time, and I appreciate that.

I said you browbeat PEOPLE with the Bible. It's a really annoying habit that tends to be a real turn-off.







on Sep 13, 2007
Haha, Jythier. Good catch. Totally intentional.
on Sep 13, 2007
Thanks TW for your thoughtful and additonal comments that are civil and explanatory. I appreciate that. You don't give me that very often.

I know it's got to be an awful strain to raise three kids most of the time by yourself. I have acknowledged this to you many times haven't I? I would want to support you not tear you down.

As far as "brow beating" anybody. . Sometimes two people can go at it and be fine here on JU but somebody else may take it wrong or get into the fray late and not understand the relationship between the two. I've seen that before here on JU. With some like Lula we are free to talk frankly with each other. I feel like I can do that with Jay as well. We know and understand it's ok to do that. I would not talk with some like I would Lula because I know it might offend them. So unless that other person tells me I'm "brow beating" them I have no idea I am. I have no idea who you are talking about. So if there is anyone out there that says I am "brow beating" them (whatever that really means) please let me know. I'll be sure to stop.

But to tell me I'm browbeating others isn't really fair TW because it's so general and something I can't grasp because I'm not sure who these "others" are. It's almost like a hit and run comment with no substance to it.

Maybe you just are not interested in the topic and that's how you are taking it? But again if I am, I'd want to know who and when I did this.

I've got to go to bed so I am off. Busy busy day for me tomorrow.





on Sep 13, 2007
TW already responded and said you don't brow beat HER with the Bible, just PEOPLE. She was actually quite nice in that reply. And I agree, I reread the whole exchange and up until the 'wow' thing everything seemed really respectful and like a normal JU conversation. That is not at all how he painted it on the other thread, but the worst thing I saw you say was "You're not a very nice young woman."

Neither did you let the implications that TW threw at you slide by unanswered. And yeah, they were there. You could've let them slide, but that's up to you, I'm probably too easy going. But she does let her comments add words like 'junk' to them that make it seem like your resources are lesser than her suggestions. I wouldn't have let that one slip by either.
on Sep 13, 2007
"I think Dobson puts out junk. That has nothing to do with whether you like him or not. I think he puts a lot of bad ideas out there and I'm not going to pretend otherwise just because you like him."

Well, you could've said "He's a good alternative to Dobson." Or even, "I like him better than Dobson."

Or you could say 'junk'. You know, whatever works for you. And it's pretty obvious what did.
on Sep 13, 2007
Well, I was about three posts too late, but I meant well...
on Sep 13, 2007
I will agree that I am usually not very nice to you.

You have a haughty way about you that really gets under my skin. The way you come across to me is as someone who is overly proud, blind to her faults (and those of family members), and generally more concerned with making sure people know how knowledgeable she is than with actually helping people.

Like I said previously, you may be waaaay different IRL (in real life), but online...you don't seem very caring or friendly.

One thing you said a while back really pissed me off (can I say pissed off on your blog?). You told me you understood what I was going through and how I felt because when your children were younger you only saw your husband on the weekends.

I found that comparison appalling and disgusting. It was like a slap in the face.

There is no comparison between raising children with a husband who is home 2 days a week to raising children in complete solitude for more than a year while your husband is in daily mortal danger. I often go days without hearing from my husband. Sometimes I've gone longer. During those times every knock at the door is frightening. I can't call and tell him about the crisis of the day or ask for his input. I can't share my joys with him whenever I feel like it.

My children miss their daddy. Your son may be working a lot, but Ethan knows who his daddy is. Isabella has NO CLUE. She doesn't even understand what a daddy is, much less feeling all warm and cozy about her own.

So I do have a chip on my shoulder in regards to that.

Perhaps I should not speak for other people when it comes to "browbeating" (being unyielding and uncaring in regards to religious issues). How about I concede that? I'll just worry about myself.

Jythier: Are you wearing a B&W striped shirt and a whistle around your neck? Is it your job to call fouls? What is your purpose here?

on Sep 13, 2007
I said junk because I meant junk.

He's NOT an alternative in my opinion. Alternative implies a different choice of equal value, and I don't agree that his philosophies and suggestions are.
on Sep 13, 2007
But you said alternative...

Anyway, no, I'm an UMPIRE not a referee. Some people.

If I had a purpose, I would have accomplished it and gone to bed by now.
on Sep 13, 2007
Ok, I retract the word "alternative" anywhere I might have used it in regards to Dobson.

I re-iterate the word "junk" anywhere I might have used it in regards to Dobson.

Clear as mud?
on Sep 13, 2007
there we go. Another slam as you tell me how bad I am. I'm going to call you on this Gid every time. I'm the nasty one? I'm being hateful? What have I said to you that is nasty or hateful? You just keep slamming me while you tell me how great Christians outside the church are and how bad we on the insider are.


Not really. I said PEOPLE outside the church.

One of the sad truths, KFC, is that someone can get treated better in a bar than they can in church. That is something that definitely needed fixing.

Yes, it was a slam, and no I wasn't just looking for the first Christian to kick around. Lately, I've been looking for something, ANYTHING redeeming in the Baptist church especially and am finding nothing, to tell you the truth. And this is the problem. The truth is, we've been treated well by Church of Christ, Pentecostals, Jehovah's Witnesses, and Nazarenes, none of whom have a doctrine that fits ours. We've been treated like garbage by the Baptist church, and it's been pretty consistent. So the choice is: either go to a church that teaches a doctrine with several major points we don't believe, or don't go.

Where you are concerned, I am disappointed, that is all. You came along when I was starting to feel very bitter towards the Baptist church. We live in a small town where the attitude of the church against us is VERY noticeable (just this last week, one of the church members took a PC repair job away from us because I work at that company. Good Christian attitude). I thought "maybe God sent this woman here to heal some of those wounds", and for a time that honestly seemed to be true, KFC. But I saw some of the same trends in you that I see in others.

We're not called to love the likable ones, KFC, we're called to love the ugly ones, the ones that are hard to love. We're not called to condone their behaviour, just to love them. And to let God do the rest.

But I really don't need to be telling you this. I KNOW you know it, and in fact, you should be teaching ME on this subject. And that is why I'm calling you on it.

What we expressed on all of this were opinions, nothing more. I KNOW you love your DIL. It's obvious in everything you write about her, your son, and your grandson. And I know you have very strong opinions. That's one thing we have in common. But see, when TW speaks, when I speak, we speak as younger parents who have seen what happens when well meaning grandparents get too hands on with the raising of their grandchildren when they have a different attitude. Personally, I'm asking you to give it a lot of consideration because I'd hate to see your son and DIL have the same distance between you and them as I have between me and my father. It's painful to have to break those family ties, KFC, and I would hate to see you and your family go through it.

My own father has not seen my two youngest children (his only two grandSONS that I am aware of). He won't see me graduate this December. He hasn't watched my daughter, his second oldest grandchild, grow into an incredible young lady. And a lot of it has to do with the way he treated us, with the opinionated attitude and the arrogance I sometimes feel you display. I don't want to see that happen to you.

You seem to think I don't like you, KFC, but the truth is, the ones I don't like I usually ignore.
on Sep 13, 2007
You have a really interesting view if you think that working full time then spending every other moment with your child somehow is easier than staying home


I don't think its easier. I did not intend to imply its easier. Just trying to make the point not every parent makes the same choices.

It wasn't my intention to offend you Karma. I apologize if I did.

CIO is practiced by millions of people in this country. We can thank Richard Ferber for the last twenty years of it. Though now he has changed his tune somewhat. The Ferber Method is still practiced and believed by many as a legitimate "self-soothing" tool.



on Sep 13, 2007
JYTHIER POSTS:
Just posted an article about correction vs. judging. Might be way off base, but it was my understanding that correction was a very personal, private thing, and posting on a public forum isn't really the way to go about it. But now I'm doing it. Drat it all.

Well, I suppose if we hypothetically debate a hypothetical person posting a hypothetical post that may or may not have included the hypothetical phrase "It's about what wise people do and you have displayed that you need some solid advice in that area." then I would hypothetically say that that was hypothetically not very humble.

Also, it wasn't private or personal, and in no way do they have the sort of relationship where it would be proper, as shown by the response from TW.


When someone correctly judges someone else’s behavior negatively, the sparks fly. Why? Do we have the right to judge or not?

We don’t like it when someone admonishes the sinner because that would be “judgmental” or “intolerant”. We don’t instruct the ignorant because people have to find out for themselves. We don’t seek to counsel the doubtful sinner because that would be imposing our moral view. No one likes to be told that what they are doing is wrong. Yet, believe it or not, these are acts of mercy and love that come in part from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount where He taught the Beatitudes. For Catholics, these works of mercy come under the heading of loving our neighbor and also called “Corporal and Spiritual Works of Mercy”. These are charitable actions by which we come to the aid of our neighbors (and TesasWahine is my neighbor) in their bodily and spiritual needs. The spiritual works of mercy include instructing (teaching), advising, consoling, comforting, forgiving, and patiently forbearing. Corporal works of mercy include feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, visiting the sick and imprisoned, sheltering the homeless, and burying the dead. These charitable works don’t apply only to Catholics; rather they apply to all of us universally.

So, to answer my own question, we should charitably judge another’s words or actions (behavior). Speaking directly to being a Christian and referring to situations here on JU, our task is to speak the saving truth to them in charity (love) and to call upon them to reform their lives.

All of us, Christians and non-Christians, most definitely are called to judge one an other’s behavior, actions, words, and deeds, BUT NEVER A PERSON’S THOUGHTS, CONSCIENCE, HEART OR SOUL AS ONLY GOD OUR CREATOR HAS THE RIGHT IN INFINITE JUSTICE TO JUDGE.

So, yes, it is our rightful lawful authority to judge behavior. We do this day in and day out. This is the way we teach our children right from wrong, good from bad. This is the way the magistrates of the court operate and the basis of determining most of our laws and contracts....all are based on our words or actions. It is clearly incumbent upon us to judge.


Some of you may say, what about Jesus’ command to “not judge and you will not be judged” which is immediately followed by “Do not condemn and you will not be condemned”? Should we leave the way open for wrong-doing with impunity? No. The second phrase explains the meaning of the first one.

It does not so much remove judgment from our lives as it does to remove the poison from our judgment. That is, that part of our judgment which is resentment, rejection, and revenge, which often is mixed in with the objective evaluation of the deed. The word of God prohibits ruthless judgments, judgments that are merciless.

It is clearly incumbent upon us to judge. There is a clear distinction between judging an action, and the motives behind such actions. We can clearly see the act, but it is difficult to understand what motivated it. In other words, we can judge the act, the behavior, the words, but not the heart or soul, for it is in the soul that motives lie---the latter, thank God, is up to God.


Jythier, you say, "Also, it wasn't private or personal, and in no way do they have the sort of relationship where it would be proper,"

Understanding Jesus’ statement in Matthew 7:1, Judge not, that ye be not judged is pertinent here.

Here, Christ certainly doesn't prohibit the public judgments of magistrates, by which they condemn the guilty and absolve the innocent, for this is necessary in all commonwealths but only in private judgments when they are rash, envious, or distractive, for such are repugnant to charity and justice.

St. Augustine wrote, "Concerning those things, then, which are known to God, unknown to us, we judge our neighbors at peril. Of this, the Lord has said Judge not. But concerning things which are open and public, we may and ought to judge and rebuke, but still with charity and love, hating not the man, but the sin, detesting not the sick man, but the disease. For unless the open sinner were judged and punished, then that would be fulfilled which the blessed martyr Cyprian hath said:

“He who soothes a sinner with flattering words, administers fuel to his sin.””



on Sep 13, 2007

I hate this argument. I've heard it before. It's called rationalization. Even if the mom's aren't giving the kids absolute attention the way a working mom may (and how do you measure this?) when she gets home from work, there is something to be said about just having mom's presence in the home with them.

Um...so how does being home help at all when the kid is in school?  And, how is it rationalizing any more than how you rationalize your opinion on sleep?  If your daughter in law worked and you watched the baby, would she be a bad Mom?  If she needed to work to support her family, should she feel guilty for doing so?  Would it be better if the family was always under stress due to financial reasons versus working and leaving the baby with a grandparent?  Please explain in detail how being home is always better?  Because, I live right next door to a stay at home Mom, and I know that just being home isn't all that is needed.  Just like working Moms can be bad Moms- so can stay at home Moms. 

Do you have any idea how patronizing you come across at?  I have never heard you ever take anyone else's view.  You base you views on your life, and expect others to live to your standard.  If that is the way you want to be, then why even have open articles?  You take everything as an attack, but you don't act like there is anything wrong when you attack others.  Even your standard for Christianity is suspect- how did that work out for your family?  Have they all lived up to the standard?

I have butted heads with TW many times in the past, but I also try to see her viewpoint whenever I can, and I feel she does for me.  I completely understand her frustrations on this article, and I think most of it, though sometimes a bit over harsh, are well founded.

If treating people the way you and lulapilgrim do is "Christian", then I'm glad I'm not one.  You aren't going to convince anyone to see your faith and become Christian if this is the best example that you can make.  I simply don't get it.

 

on Sep 13, 2007
I get alot of this type of talk...others, You and Dharma I notice like to say this alot.


Um, HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't you think that it you hear it a lot it may just be because it's TRUE???!!!! That you really DO it? That you beat people up with your faith a lot? That you put yourself up on a pedestal and look down your nose at those of us who don't think the way you do?

You DO do it. I've been saying it ever since you first came to JU, and I'm surprised it's taken this long for an argument of this proportion to come about.

You DON'T know it all. You are blinded by your zealousness, by your rabid attitude to christianity and its books, and to be honest your boasting and bragging about how you pray and god answers your prayers because you're such a good little christian makes me think 'pharisee' every time I hear it.

You have alienated most of JU with your attitude. Can't you see that? Can't you see that it's not 'us', it's YOU?

I wasn't going to say anything. I was going to stay out of this argument, but you dragged me into it.

That's all I have to say 'bout that.


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