And No More
Published on July 15, 2010 By KFC Kickin For Christ In Life Journals

Until one goes through a trying time you have no idea how you will react.  We think we may be this way or that but until we truly walk through the fire we don't know what areas of our life will really be affected either physically, mentally or emotionally. 

My youngest son went through such a time recently with a divorce he never saw coming.  Being married only over a year he was looking forward to a  promising future with the young woman he loved.   That is, until it all came crashing down and fast.  Within four months of their first big fight he was divorced.  He was literally blindsided.  In December they had a dousy of a fight.  In January she moved out, and in April he was divorced. 

So now what?  He's still young.  Very handsome.  Athletic.  He has a good job and is in a yuppie area with not only alot of young professionals but in and around a college town teaming with young beautiful co-eds. 

So there definitely is not a shortage of young attractive women clamoring to be his date. 

He came up with a plan.  One that I'm not particularly fond of but then again, I'd hate to see him rush into anything.  He tends to be impulsive when it comes to some things but I've never seen him that way with women.  He's like his father, a one-woman man.  The only woman he cared about or ever wanted is now gone.  She was the only girl he ever dated even though there were many opportunities and requests. 

The plan?  I call it Five Dates.  It's one where he said he'll only date a girl five times and then he's through.  The girl never knows the plan ahead of time.  He doesn't want to get serious.  He doesn't wish to be attached.  He says he never will again walk the aisle of matrimony.  His heart was broken once and it will never happen again. 

The girl, from what I gather, ends up confused.  After her fifth date she no longer hears from him.  He doesn't return her calls or emails.  He's had a couple of them write him long notes.  Each one upon,  end of contact with him, afterward says something to the effect of "I thought we had a connection."  

He asked me, "how can one have a one way connection?"  Obviously if there was a connection it would have to be both sides connecting.  He doesn't feel the same way because he's not looking for any such relationship.   

He calls home quite often to touch base, usually on his way home from work.  Most of the time he's heading out with a girl later and he'll tell me his plan for the upcoming evening or weekend.  Of course, I usually ask, "what number date is she on?"  He'll say three or four and I'll say "uh oh, she's almost done."  I wonder how she'll react. 

After he first told me this plan I told him it sounded like a movie.  He, being a journalist, should keep a journal because one day this could be made into a movie.  Hopefully at the end  of the story boy meets girl and she makes it past the fifth date.

So I kid with him saying if a girl makes it to the sixth date, he's done for.  Or if he brings her home to us we'll know he's finally serious again.   He swears it will never happen. 

I'm just hoping one day I can write a sequel to this and call it "The Sixth Date!" 

Someone sent him a song from youtube.  He says it's his new  favorite song.   Evidently it speaks to his situation and must have been written by someone just like him; someone who had his heart broken and was able to write down these lyrics with a comedic point of view.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Comments
on Jul 15, 2010

He told me one of the girls was coming over to make him grilled cheese sandwiches while he went for a run.   I told him he knew how to make cheese sandwiches himself and that sounded like a waste of a date.  Especially for her.  If she only knew! 

So I told him, after he swore again that he'd never marry and have a family, that if that's the case then he can take care of me in my old age.  He was it! 

When he's 60 and I'm 84 we have a date.  He'll take care of me and I'll make him all the grilled cheese sandwiches he can eat. 

 

on Jul 15, 2010

as somebody who has also just come out a blindsiding divorce I can entirely understand where your son is coming from and I understand his motivation for the five date thing

on Jul 15, 2010

So sorry to hear this Basmas.  It shouldn't be that way. 

I have an idea what you're going thru even now after watching my son.  We were so worried about him the first few months.  I mean really worried.  He was so despondent.   The good thing tho is he was calling home alot during those times sometimes hardly talking at all just wanting contact.  But with good friends surrounding him, a good church standing with him and many athletic activities he's involved in, he's starting to be his old self again. 

What did you think of the song?  Did it resonate with you? 

 

 

on Jul 16, 2010

Basmas
as somebody who has also just come out a blindsiding divorce I can entirely understand where your son is coming from and I understand his motivation for the five date thing

I can understand it as well.  I have been divorced (although it was not a blind sided one).  And I am remarried.  My sister never did.  We were talking one day and she asked how I could trust again after the first divorce.

And I realized I am damaged goods.  Marriage is a full and trusting commitment between 2 people, but in my second marriage I have found that I am not fully trusting. I do not mean I think my wife is cheating on me, but that I am cheating on her by not giving my total self to her (i maintain a bit of a solitude that I can retreat to when things are not going well).

If your son has realized this in himself, it is best he maintains his rules.  I know your second KFC is a complete one.  But your son was only married a year, and I was married 20.  he is too young to know different, and I am too old and cynical.  I guess you are fortunate you did not learn our lessons.

on Jul 16, 2010

Marriage is a full and trusting commitment between 2 people

yes, it should be.  That's how God ordained it.   I liken a serious relationship being torn asunder like duct tape being ripped off your arm after being firmly attached.  You can take that same tape and wind it around again with another relationship but it won't have the same adhesion as it did the first time around.  For every subsequent serious relationship the worse it gets. 

I tell him as well that he's too young to feel this way as he has a whole life ahead of him and many don't even get married as young as he did the first time.  He's only 24 now. 

[quote] I know your second KFC is a complete one. [/quote

What does this mean?  Do you think I've been married twice?  I've only been married once and going on almost 28 years now. 

 

on Jul 16, 2010

What does this mean? Do you think I've been married twice? I've only been married once and going on almost 28 years now.

Comments you have made before made me think you had a short marriage when you were younger (talk about the boys and such).  Going on that (mis) assumption, I made my statement.  I apologize for my ignorance.  I know your marriage is strong and healthy and was just trying to point out a contrast between those who are not burned by a bad marriage and those that are (Basmas, my sister and myself).

on Jul 16, 2010

you're not totally crazy Doc.  You're probably referring to the fact that I have a step-son because my husband had a brief young marriage that ended in divorce.  I think he too probably had trust issues in the very early days.  I don't think anyone comes out of a divorce totally unscathed.    I would think it would be easier to bounce back after only one year of marriage than it would be 20 but I'm sure the hurt is the same.  How can you measure that? 

  

on Jul 17, 2010

whoops...make that going on 29 years...they're flying by so fast I can't keep up with them..