These "Great Truths About Life" were collected from the experiences of real children. 

1.  No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

2.  Never let your mom brush your hair when she's mad at your dad.

3. If your sister hits you, don't hit her back.  Parents always catch the second person.

4.  Never ask your three year old brother to hold a tomato.

5.  You can't trust dogs to guard your food.

6.  Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

7.  Puppies still have bad breath even after you give them a tic tac.

8.  Never try to hold a vacuum cleaner and a cat at the same time.

9.  You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

10.  You shouldn't wear polka dot underwear underneath white shorts.

and my favorite:

The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's lap!