I've been on the phone for two weeks trying to help a young 22 year old girl get away from her parents. Now that sounds strange I know but the whole thing was quite bizarre. It shouldn't be like this.
It all started when she decided she wanted to move 7 hours away to live in the vicinity of her boyfriend. They had been separated for more than a year while he went to school in another state. He had already offered to help her find roommates and a job before she even got there. They were not going to live together but just be together. She, in fact, was thinking of transferring from one store to another in this new location keeping the same employment.
The problem started when her parents read her emails. Yes, they read HER emails. They saw the discussion between the two and voiced their objections. It seems as tho they expected this young man to offer his intentions to her before she made such a move. His school obligations were such he could not make such a committment at this time. The parents previously really liked him, but now the tables had turned for some unknown reason other than the fact their daughter wanted to make this move.
So the first tactic was to run the boyfriend down constantly. They made comments that if he cared he would voice his intentions and made several references to the fact he really didn't treat her right. They made untrue assumptions about him they had no idea of. When that didn't seem to sway her they went into her ability to care for herself. She, up to this point, had not been very responsible in many ways, but mostly because the parents had not allowed her to be. They paid all her bills, gave her a car (which they took back-more later) and basically surpressed her in many different situations. So they came up with a plan that she could move out but only in the nearby area giving her choices they thought would work for all. Again, she wouldn't budge and proceded to make plans to move out on the following Sunday.
Before that happened, they told her she could not have the car. They were still making all the payments and insurance payments on it and they reniged on their promise to let her have it. So now she was stuck. no car. In the meantime she was working at the same place her mother was. Her mother went to work at this same place after her daughter did maybe to keep tabs on her? Anyhow she couldn't give her notice without her mom seeing she wasn't on the next schedule. She couldn't see a way to get a rental 45 minutes away without them finding out either. So she felt stuck and depressed. She quit her job anyway still thinking of somehow getting to her boyfriend. In the meantime her mom was laying the guilt on heavily apologizing for giving her such a rotten home.
After a week or so of arguing back and forth, the parents seem to relent. They said she could have the car but she would have to pay $600 a month for the payments plus insurance which was very unreasonable. This was nothing but another tactic. So she thought she'd take the offer, get out, and come back before the month was up with her boyfriend and give them back the car. But before she could even do that, they played the guilt card big time. Last Sunday before she could leave, all her relatives showed up, her grandparents, uncles and aunts. They all cried and gave her numerous reasons why she couldn't leave and how she'd be leaving the family. For what? A boyfriend who doesn't love her enough to propose?
Now she was in a grand funk. She stopped taking calls from the boyfriend. She shut off and just stewed for a few days trying to decide what she really wanted and how to go about it. In the meantime the boyfriend was thinking this is it. She either needs to make this break or they would be done. He always wanted it to be her decision trying for the most part only to help her if this is what she really wanted. In the beginning he actually discouraged her from coming out because he was very busy in his schooling. He didn't feel he had time to really be with her like he would like and tried to get her to live on her own near her parents. But as this all started to play out, he dug his heels in and felt she needed to get out of this stifling situation at home and actually get away from them for her own sanity. She said she felt like she was suffocating.
She started to plan again. She washed and packed all her clothes while they were at work. She packed one suitcase in the trunk of her car. She did not want to so disrespect her parents by leaving on bad terms so she waited for the timing to be right. When I heard this, I knew the mom would check the trunk. She did. She blew up, cried and went into bizarre behavior unseen up until this point by her daughter. The mom left messages on the boyfriend's phone demanding a call back and said that if anything happened to their daughter he would be responsbile.
The Dad came home and saw the determination in his daughter. Sort of resigned he said she could take the car but she had to get new tires, an alignment and an oil change (a stall tactic?). This girl was not usually motivated to do such things so maybe they figured she wouldn't do it. She called her boyfriend. He advised her to go ahead and do it to make them happy but after finding out how much this was going to be they decided she should drive the car to a rental place instead and leave her parent's car there. She did just that. Only she got so excited she locked her keys in the car. So she had to call a locksmith and pay an extra $50 because she didn't want to hear anything from her parents about her lack of responsibility and give them more ammunition.
So she drove home in the new rental car. The look of shocked surprise on her parents faces was priceless I'm told. They knew then they were beat. She played the trump card and won. Her dad relented, her mom cried and this young lady felt free for the first time in her life. Her mom and dad left to get their car at the airport. After they left, her dad called and requested that if she left before they got home to leave a note to let them know. She packed her rental and waited for them to return to show them all the love and respect she could under the circumstances and got into the car at 7:30 Saturday night headed for freedom.
On the way she called her boyfriend and said, "I'm feeling pretty proud of myself." This is the happiest she's been in a long, long time. Her new life beckons and she's ready and willing to see what awaits her and her boyfriend as they figure out together what the future holds for both of them.