The Tricky Part is The Lawyers!
Published on March 15, 2010 By KFC Kickin For Christ In Politics

I'm usually against Divorce but do realize there are always exceptions to be made.  This might be one of those times.  But I have to ask..what's wrong with Subarus? I love that this agreement came from a young person!  Yes, there is always hope! 

DIVORCE AGREEMENT
 

American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists
and Obama supporters, et al:


We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce.... I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course.
Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.


Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure
  our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can  effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.


We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.  You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).


We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood ..

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N.. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find..

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.  We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.  

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you Answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, & Jane Fonda with you..

P. S. S.  And we won't have to press 1 for English.


Comments (Page 1)
on Mar 15, 2010

Yea, but who gets Florida?

on Mar 15, 2010

good question?  I'm not sure but do know that my area is crawling with conservatives!  We have every known big name in the GOP hear just about every other week.  Romney will be here by the end of the month as well as Rove.  Palin, Beck and Huckabee have been here in recent days. 

Tho, I have to say that Joe Biden did a drive by, stopping in to an ice cream store unexpectedly just after the elections.   So far, he's the only big name Democrat I've seen or heard about around here.

on Mar 15, 2010

I'm not sure but do know that my area is crawling with conservatives!

It would have to be to offset Palm Beach County.

on Mar 15, 2010

It would have to be to offset Palm Beach County

Liberals do seem to gravitate to the coasts. Might possibly be a deep desire to return to the oceans like the dolphins and whales. Don't they realize the Japanese would just eat them?

Funny piece KFC!

on Mar 16, 2010

Liberals do seem to gravitate to the coasts

so do hurricanes.   

Might possibly be a deep desire to return to the oceans like the dolphins and whales.

you mean like devolving?  heh!  Well I guess that makes sense. 

Funny piece KFC!

thanks Nitro! 

on Mar 16, 2010

Liberals do seem to gravitate to the coasts

You got it wrong. Coasts seem to gravitate toward Liberals. Probably because the Conservatives are so dry they scare water away...

KFC: I kinda like your proposition. But as in any divorce, there is a critical thing to remember: Who controls the oversea holdings of the USA, and who gets its custody every other week-end?

on Mar 16, 2010

You got it wrong. Coasts seem to gravitate toward Liberals. Probably because the Conservatives are so dry they scare water away...

ha!  You think we're wrong and we think you're all wet!   

Who controls the oversea holdings of the USA, and who gets its custody every other week-end?

just like in any divorce proceedings negotiations must take place. 

on Mar 16, 2010

just like in any divorce proceedings negotiations must take place.

Yhea, but in a Divorce, if no agreement is made, you need to go in front of a judge..

Hmm..

European Union?

Otherwise, I'd say we go with the mere "capacity of sustainance". Since we get the coastal region, it make sense we also get the oversee holdings. We got the freaking shoreline to throw boats!

on Mar 16, 2010

no, no, no....we split up the shoreline.  It's gotta be 50/50! 

 

on Mar 16, 2010

no, no, no....we split up the shoreline. It's gotta be 50/50!

WHOT?

How is that fair? You already get all of the farmlands, and you want half the shoreland?

on Mar 16, 2010

How is that fair? You already get all of the farmlands, and you want half the shoreland?

Hell, Democrats want the rich to pay for the poor and you complain about fairness? Now that's comedy right there, look out Apollo Theater.

 

on Mar 16, 2010

Hell, Democrats want the rich to pay for the poor and you complain about fairness? Now that's comedy right there, look out Apollo Theater.

This is all about determining what is fair and what isn't. Your definition of "fair" is different than other people's. You don't have the monopoly of deciding what is right and what is wrong.

So get the politics out of this thread and start arguing with actual arguments!

on Mar 16, 2010

KFC Kickin For Christ

You got it wrong. Coasts seem to gravitate toward Liberals. Probably because the Conservatives are so dry they scare water away...
ha!  You think we're wrong and we think you're all wet! 

So maybe he has a point?  If they are all wet, the coast comes to them?

on Mar 16, 2010

Cikomyr


Otherwise, I'd say we go with the mere "capacity of sustainance". Since we get the coastal region, it make sense we also get the oversee holdings. We got the freaking shoreline to throw boats!

But we have the Mississippi and the gulf coast.  Let the SCOTUS be the arbiter!

on Mar 16, 2010

But we have the Mississippi and the gulf coast. Let the SCOTUS be the arbiter!

But we have the West Coast and access to the Pacific, which represent more than half of the oversea trade done by the U.S...

Awwww... can't we realise we rely on each other?

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