I think that the question you have to ask yourself is why you helped them in the first place; what you expected the outcome of your assistance to be.  I've helped people in the past and have, much like you and your church fellowship, been somewhat burned when the recipients of my goodwill just up and left without so much as a thank you or a see you later.  I had to ask myself the very same question I'm posing to you: why did I help them and what did I expect the outcome of my helping them to be.

Like you said, most people are in that situation because they've made a string of bad choices - and apparently they've not been able to break their bad choice habit.  It's a shame, but...I think that people have to hit rock bottom before they're willing or even able to accept that their lifestyle choices simply are not working and they HAVE to change if they're going to survive.  Maybe your (our) actions saved them from hitting that bottom.  We just don't know.  But, the one thing that we do know is that a power far greater than you or I is at work here and the fate of those people we helped is out of our hands now.

I owe you an apology:  I'm sorry.  I hope that you'll accept it in the spirit it's given.

I can identify with your situation. My experience is that in order to do good, you have to be willing to make a few mistakes along the way and even be willing to feel foolish from time to time. Sure, I've been scammed and I'll probably be scammed again. I learn from my experiences. Like the scammers, I too am a "work in progress", I hope in the right direction. Like you, it doesn't squelch my willingness.

You and your church did the right thing by trying to help someone in need. They are responsible for their own actions.

The question Dharma posed is the key.

You and your church did the right thing by trying to help someone in need. They are responsible for their own actions.

IN a nutshell, and very well put!

sounds like ya'll got screwed and enabled them to do it again elsewhere in the process. Sorry, but I'm used to dealing with these kinds of manipulative people and my give-a-damner is long broken. It's my hope a lesson was learned to be more aware and mindful in the future.

I think that the question you have to ask yourself is why you helped them in the first place; what you expected the outcome of your assistance to be.

We helped them because we saw what we perceived was a need. I believe that's why we help anybody. We see a need and if we're able we try to fill it. Most of the time we feel we have so much and we're grateful for that so we want to share. It's just too bad there are those out there that feel the need to take advantage.

BTW this is not a new concept to me just the newest. It just happened and it does get discouraging. But again, I would do it again. But I'm afraid that many are very slow the next time a need comes up to help knowing there is always this potential.

sounds like ya'll got screwed and enabled them to do it again elsewhere in the process. Sorry, but I'm used to dealing with these kinds of manipulative people and my give-a-damner is long broken

you would be a case in point. I understand exactly how you feel. We shouldn't stop helping/giving but we should be very discerning and for some of us it doesn't come easily.

I owe you an apology: I'm sorry. I hope that you'll accept it in the spirit it's given.

I've never met an apology I didn't like........but can you tell me exactly what for? I know we've not been the best of friends here but I have no ill feelings toward you really Dharma.

You and your church did the right thing by trying to help someone in need

I think so too. .....it's not the first time and probably won't be the last either.

Like you, it doesn't squelch my willingness.

good for you. Just think of it as sending building materials for your mansion in heaven.

I think when we help people, even in the name of Christ, we look at it from a worldly pov. For instance when reading this I first thought you were burned.

But experience has taught me different. What I call being burned, may in fact be God pressing me to charity. It may not have all that much to do with the receiver. Does that make sense?

If you prayerfully consider going to extremes (I consider a car pretty extreme) then imo, that is ALL you can do. The gift is given in the spirit of charity and from God to the receiver. I'm just that middle man.

I can look back and see times where I was "burned" from a worldly pov. That is as long as I think those things I gave were mine. When I give I try to remind myself, this belongs to God, not to me. If they take it and sell it, pawn it, buy drugs with it, whatever, that is between them and God.

That's my two cents.

When I give I try to remind myself, this belongs to God, not to me. If they take it and sell it, pawn it, buy drugs with it, whatever, that is between them and God.

And those kinds of people are counting on that particular POV, Tova. Methinks that one needs to seek out and dig and try and search a little harder for those that truly need charity. There's plenty out there!

and that's my two cents. (luv ya, tova!  )

Well Tova I find myself kind of between you and Shovelheat going by your replies. Yes, I agree with you that when we give, we give what is God's in the first place thus the reason for my sub title. Certainly we can't take it with us. Whenever we give we will sooner or later run into this type of situation that I mentioned here. With human nature being what it is, it's most certainly bound to happen. Look at Jesus when he healed the 10 lepers. Only one came back. So looking at that senerio, I'm seeing maybe only 10% are grateful. That may not be that far off if you really think about it.

But if I knew, for certain, they were buying drugs or alcohol, nope, not going to help them do that. One time a well known whino asked my husband for money to buy coffee at Dunkin Donuts down the street. Bob was just getting ready to preach at this little church where he was an interim. He was about to say no because he was hurried and said instead......"I'll tell you what. You come in and sit for an hour, you can get warm and after church, I'll buy you that coffee and lunch."

Well by golly the man came in, sat down in his ragged clothes at the back of this little church, and heard the love of Jesus preached directly at him. After the service my husband gave him a meal complete with coffee and sent him on his way. Did he want coffee really? Did he want money? Who knows. But he not only got a warm place to sit for a bit, he got food in more ways than he bargained for.

You just never know. I say, let's give them more than they bargained for.......not always want they want, mind you but what they need.

And those kinds of people are counting on that particular POV, Tova. Methinks that one needs to seek out and dig and try and search a little harder for those that truly need charity. There's plenty out there!

I'm not saying I just give blindly...if I did then my family would suffer. But when it comes to giving, if I am compelled to give, I try not to care if that person takes advantage of the gift. God compels, I obey, He works it out.

I don't ever want to care more about money and stuff than I do the potential for offending God.

I,of course do fall short of this, often.

You were kind and helped your fellow man. That's the Christian thing to do. Your conscience can be clear. Theirs may not be. If they are running around doing it to every church they come across they'll be reeled in eventually.

I,of course do fall short of this, often.

Sigh...

me too, Tova. me too.

(ya stll love me don't cha?   )

(ya stll love me don't cha?

Of course Shovel. We can't agree on EVERYTHING....sept the I still love ya part...we can agree on that.

I don't ever want to care more about money and stuff than I do the potential for offending God.I,of course do fall short of this, often

I doubt that Tova. You sound like a very giving and compassionate person to me. If we're going to err...we need to err with a compasionate heart....and I think you've got that covered.

If they are running around doing it to every church they come across they'll be reeled in eventually.

if they stayed around here, it would eventually get around. But if they go around from state to state, they may not necessarily get reeled in by a local church but I do agree they will get reeled in eventually and it may not be by whom they were expecting.

I'm just talking in general here, I don't want to necessarily say these two in my story are like that. I don't really know. All I can say about that is, we helped them and they left us with nary a word. One thing that has been quite evident to us over the years is the ones you help the most are the ones that are the least grateful. The ones that really need the help mostly are not the ones that ask for it or will even receive it sometimes.

You and your church did the right thing by trying to help someone in need. They are responsible for their own actions.

This is exactly it, KFC. You did what you felt you were led to do, and your actions won't be in vain. If you remember you're serving God, and not these people, then it's easy to not focus on a very understandable hurt.

From what you've written, I'm quite confident I can say that you and your church did well (and we've chatted enough on here that I'm sure you know I'd bust yer chops if I thought otherwise...lol!). Let's hope this family learns from your loving example sooner rather than later